I'm spending Saturday night in a truly great place. Hanging out with my kids, watching a movie all piled up in my bed. It's a miracle they put up with me considering all the usual "motherly" things I don't do...like running around playing, cleaning, going to countless after school activities, etc. I make up for this lack of motherliness by giving lots of love, countless hugs, and telling them how lucky I am to be their mother. I can only hope it'll be enough.
This damned disease is partly to blame for me winning no "mother of the year" awards. I get so tired by the end of the day that all I can do is lay down. Basically what happens is my "good" ear has had enough of keeping me upright and it pretty much quits on me shortly after 4:00 or so when I'm working. So I crawl in bed when I get home. Most nights I don't even go to the table to eat; sometimes because I'm too dizzy, sometimes because my ears just can't take any more noise. However, the kids always come to see me. Crawl in bed with me. Read stories together. I drive them to and from school so we talk about our days as we ride along. Yet I do feel guilty for not being more active. During the summers, when I'm off, I manage a bit more. We go swimming, go to the library, park, greenway, or whatever. I try to make up for my absence by doing a little more with them during the summer. It just really sucks sometimes. I need so much sleep to function. Thankfully they are getting to ages where they can get up in the morning and entertain themselves for a little bit while I'm getting myself together. They are very patient with me. I guess on some level at the tender ages of 4 and 6, they know Mommy is sick. One day I'll explain it all but I think they are too young yet for that story. Heck, most adults don't get it, how are they?
I got the tube in my good ear and it has definitely helped with pressure issues. It hasn't helped as much as I'd hoped with the daily dizziness and off-balance issues. So now I'm on another medication, a very low dose of an anti-depressant. Too low to treat depression but just enough to maybe help me from feeling like I'm staggering around everywhere. The doctor says he has had some good success in other patients. It'll take a month or so to see if it helps me. Another medication I'm using off-label. Well, really it's only 2 now but I wish it were none.
Tim is on a well-earned camping trip. He does most of the physical labor around here. All I manage is some laundry now and then. Okay...I'm gonna quit my rambling for now.
Also have a head full of thoughts on my latest Science lesson that I need to get out sometime soon. I'm just too tired for it tonight and I've got another movie to watch!
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