it's been raining here for what seems like a lifetime. but it's the nice kind of rain where it's steady and perfectly conducive to napping. we should definitely make up for our deficit by the time this is over. the catawba river is full but no flooding. we're lucky here. i feel for the people in georgia who have really been going through hell with all the rain they got. as for me, it's saturday, i've got a stack of new books to read from the local library, the kids have new books too and some movies to watch...so i'm set. let it rain. tomorrow the sun's supposed to make an appearance and stay for awhile. i'm cautiously optimistic. i know this though, this weather is wreaking havoc with my ears. my eardums/barometers are not happy at all with all these pressure changes. my right eardrum is currently trying to retreat into my brain and yep, it hurts and i'm dizzy but things could be so much worse. this ear crap is annoying but it won't kill me. tomorrow i'm going to a funeral for a young man, 38, who died of cancer. he suffered for a long time and there were many times the doctors thought he would make it out okay. his family was by his side the entire time. i never know what to say at times like these. words are not enough. a mother lost her son, two sisters lost their brother. how can i make that better? this is my 3rd funeral in 3 months. all for people who died way too young and all were caused by or contributed to by medical problems.
it makes me realize that while what i have is no fun and i have days where i get really down about it, that i have so much for which to be grateful. this disease won't take my life. it won't take me away from my children or my family. for that i am blessed.
now...what book shall i start with? it's like christmas!!!
Saturday, September 26, 2009
Monday, September 21, 2009
Why the periphery?
While I realize this blog will never be seen by anyone I know, I'm going to explain my reasoning behind the title, "nicki of the peripheral view." This is how I view my life. I live along the edges of my friends' and families' lives. They know I'm there, they appreciate me but I am often unheard and overlooked. Ironically, this label came from a high school teacher I had who wrote a poem for me and referred to me as "beautiful, ghostlike, fleeting from the peripheral view." I always liked that description of myself. This poem was only one of two that have ever been written for me. And as fate would have it, this high school teacher is now serving out the rest of his life in state prison for molesting little boys. So now that poem is tainted. The other was written by a cheating boyfriend I had so it doesn't exactly mean much either. Which brings me back to my point, I have close friends who I can depend on but while I am in their circle, I am fleeting along the edges. Not necessarily a terrible place to be as it allows me to move in and out as I see fit. Hanging out along the periphery has allowed me to become more observant. I am more aware of people's moods and feelings and can pick up on subtle nuances that other people would miss. This I consider a gift and as strange as it may seem, I am very grateful for it.
Saturday, September 19, 2009
The Joys of Teaching Middle School
Copied from my Facebook "blog"
So the insanity that has prevailed over my students lately prompted this note. Here are some of the things they don't prepare you for when you're going into teaching. Feel free to add your own, fellow teaching peeps. I tagged all of you for various reasons. You teach, used to teach, have a teenager, are a teenager, etc. I think we should compile all of our stories somehow. At least, create a Facebook club where we can collect them all.
Here's my updated list...Enjoy!
1. I had a 6th grader who thought she was pregnant. The father? She didn't know. One of three men. Turned out, she wasn't pregnant.
2. I once had a student who after he wiped himself would throw the soiled toilet paper at other kids.
3. The kid in "#2" (haha pun intended) had a brother who I also taught who took a dump in the middle of the bathroom floor as well as in the urinal. When the father was brought in to discuss the issue, he said it was our fault because we didn't make school fun enough for his son.
4. I once had to call my principal over for a meeting with one of my kids. His offense? He wouldn't quit playing with his man boobs in class. He would stick pencils under them, slap them and watch them jiggle, and use them as "machine guns" and shoot things. Those are mental images I can't shake.
5. One day years ago, a 7th grade boy announced to me that he was constipated and would need to go back to the bathroom. He left and came back and announced to me that everything was now fine.
6. Last year, a girl threw up all over another student while sitting in my class. She didn't even try to avoid it. The girl who got thrown up on didn't seem to care. She was fully prepared to go through her day with puke on her. We had to make her change clothes.
7. I've seen countless buttcracks and thongs. For God's sakes, parents, don't let your 11-12 year old daughter wear thongs (especially when it's the day we're having Tornado Drill Practice).
8. I've also had to tell a male student to quit pleasuring himself while in my class.
9. I get the joy of teaching 7th graders about human reproduction. Years ago, I was asked by a student, "can you get pregnant by doing it in the butt?"
10. I now spend more time trying to keep girls from making out with each other than boys and girls. A few years ago, we had a girl who was a lesbian and she created a "hit" list. Her "hit" list was a list of girls who she was going to "turn" gay. She got action all the time.
11. The same kid in #4, aka Moobs, also had an older brother that I had taught. His brother had OCD and had a hand-washing ritual he had to go through before lunch. It always involved having to ask me if he could wash his hands. I would say yes and you don't have to ask me anymore just do it. Yet the next day, he would ask again. Day after day after day. Later on when we would be back in class, he would have his finger in his nose up to his knuckle just digging away!
12. Moobs wasn't allowed to read anything that had any profanity in it at all. At this point, let me remind you that he was a 7th grader at the time and profanity was everywhere. When he heard a curse word, his mom had trained him to cover his ears and say "bad word, bad word." So the day we confronted him about playing with himself, he replied (calmly and seriously with his head hung low) when we asked if he knew what we were upset about, "I was playing with my titties." There were about 5 adults sitting at the table when he said that and not one of us lost it...until later. I should also add for visual effect that when he sat down at the table with us, he propped his moobs on the table first! Plop, Plop! We're talking D-cup, baby!
13. At Open House my third year of teaching, the first student I met was under house arrest. He had one of those bands around his ankle. He had stolen a car and tried to outrun the police. That was a sign of things to come that year.
14. I once wasted precious minutes of my life arguing with a girl who insisted that the Earth was not a planet. She couldn't tell me what it was, but she just knew it wasn't a planet. Now let me explain a little about her family. She had two brothers with the same name. I don't mean two similar names and I don't mean stepbrothers or half-brothers. I mean "this is my brother Darryl, and this is my other brother, Darryl." (Anybody out there get that reference-you gotta be old like me to get it.)
15. Apparently the lastest trend for the middle school girl is to take her camera phone and shove it up as far as she can between her legs and take a picture. Then she sends it to her true love to prove her undying affections. (FYI-they always and let me emphasize always break up within days.) The pictures are so graphic, I could send them to a gynecologist and they could do a full pelvic.
16. A couple of weeks ago, one my girls got mad at one of my boys during lunch. Apparently, he kept calling her some offensive names. She warned him not to do it again. He didn't listen. He got an entire carton of milk poured over his head. He was soaked in chocolate milk. Priceless!
17. As of last week, we are now rationing toilet paper to the 7th grade boys. Why should such drastic measures be taken? Because some idiot decided to wipe his poop all over the bathroom. This after the usual toilet paper wads everywhere. Now my team teacher stands in the doorway of the boys bathroom with a roll of toilet paper in her hand saying "one square or two." All I keep thinking of is Seinfeld and "Can you spare a square?" To date, the poop artist has not been found.
18. One of the funniest moments and best lines ever (related to the toilet paper rationing.) The teacher next door poked her head in my classroom today and jokingly asked if anyone needed any. I showed her my unopened toilet paper roll sitting on my desk. She was amazed and says to the class, "Do you not ever poop? Do you not need toilet paper?" One of my students without missing a beat and in all seriousness says "No, we're just not wipers!" I about fell out of my chair laughing. Of course, he then while all red in the face, tried to explain that he meant our class doesn't wipe poop all over the walls. Apparently my students have better toileting manners than most. However...
19. What is up with 7th grade boys and the constant touching? I don't mean they are touching themselves or even other girls. They are constantly touching other boys. Once while showing a movie in our theater, we had to break up a group of boys who were spooning. They are not gay and I wouldn't care if they were. They play with each other's hair. They walk down the halls with their arms around each other. Once, while the boys were lined up to go in the bathroom, I warned them not to be in there touching each other or trying to peek at one another (a constant problem for my class.) One of my boys gets all riled up and felt the need to defend himself and says "Hey, I only touch boys sometimes!" What do you say to that?
So the insanity that has prevailed over my students lately prompted this note. Here are some of the things they don't prepare you for when you're going into teaching. Feel free to add your own, fellow teaching peeps. I tagged all of you for various reasons. You teach, used to teach, have a teenager, are a teenager, etc. I think we should compile all of our stories somehow. At least, create a Facebook club where we can collect them all.
Here's my updated list...Enjoy!
1. I had a 6th grader who thought she was pregnant. The father? She didn't know. One of three men. Turned out, she wasn't pregnant.
2. I once had a student who after he wiped himself would throw the soiled toilet paper at other kids.
3. The kid in "#2" (haha pun intended) had a brother who I also taught who took a dump in the middle of the bathroom floor as well as in the urinal. When the father was brought in to discuss the issue, he said it was our fault because we didn't make school fun enough for his son.
4. I once had to call my principal over for a meeting with one of my kids. His offense? He wouldn't quit playing with his man boobs in class. He would stick pencils under them, slap them and watch them jiggle, and use them as "machine guns" and shoot things. Those are mental images I can't shake.
5. One day years ago, a 7th grade boy announced to me that he was constipated and would need to go back to the bathroom. He left and came back and announced to me that everything was now fine.
6. Last year, a girl threw up all over another student while sitting in my class. She didn't even try to avoid it. The girl who got thrown up on didn't seem to care. She was fully prepared to go through her day with puke on her. We had to make her change clothes.
7. I've seen countless buttcracks and thongs. For God's sakes, parents, don't let your 11-12 year old daughter wear thongs (especially when it's the day we're having Tornado Drill Practice).
8. I've also had to tell a male student to quit pleasuring himself while in my class.
9. I get the joy of teaching 7th graders about human reproduction. Years ago, I was asked by a student, "can you get pregnant by doing it in the butt?"
10. I now spend more time trying to keep girls from making out with each other than boys and girls. A few years ago, we had a girl who was a lesbian and she created a "hit" list. Her "hit" list was a list of girls who she was going to "turn" gay. She got action all the time.
11. The same kid in #4, aka Moobs, also had an older brother that I had taught. His brother had OCD and had a hand-washing ritual he had to go through before lunch. It always involved having to ask me if he could wash his hands. I would say yes and you don't have to ask me anymore just do it. Yet the next day, he would ask again. Day after day after day. Later on when we would be back in class, he would have his finger in his nose up to his knuckle just digging away!
12. Moobs wasn't allowed to read anything that had any profanity in it at all. At this point, let me remind you that he was a 7th grader at the time and profanity was everywhere. When he heard a curse word, his mom had trained him to cover his ears and say "bad word, bad word." So the day we confronted him about playing with himself, he replied (calmly and seriously with his head hung low) when we asked if he knew what we were upset about, "I was playing with my titties." There were about 5 adults sitting at the table when he said that and not one of us lost it...until later. I should also add for visual effect that when he sat down at the table with us, he propped his moobs on the table first! Plop, Plop! We're talking D-cup, baby!
13. At Open House my third year of teaching, the first student I met was under house arrest. He had one of those bands around his ankle. He had stolen a car and tried to outrun the police. That was a sign of things to come that year.
14. I once wasted precious minutes of my life arguing with a girl who insisted that the Earth was not a planet. She couldn't tell me what it was, but she just knew it wasn't a planet. Now let me explain a little about her family. She had two brothers with the same name. I don't mean two similar names and I don't mean stepbrothers or half-brothers. I mean "this is my brother Darryl, and this is my other brother, Darryl." (Anybody out there get that reference-you gotta be old like me to get it.)
15. Apparently the lastest trend for the middle school girl is to take her camera phone and shove it up as far as she can between her legs and take a picture. Then she sends it to her true love to prove her undying affections. (FYI-they always and let me emphasize always break up within days.) The pictures are so graphic, I could send them to a gynecologist and they could do a full pelvic.
16. A couple of weeks ago, one my girls got mad at one of my boys during lunch. Apparently, he kept calling her some offensive names. She warned him not to do it again. He didn't listen. He got an entire carton of milk poured over his head. He was soaked in chocolate milk. Priceless!
17. As of last week, we are now rationing toilet paper to the 7th grade boys. Why should such drastic measures be taken? Because some idiot decided to wipe his poop all over the bathroom. This after the usual toilet paper wads everywhere. Now my team teacher stands in the doorway of the boys bathroom with a roll of toilet paper in her hand saying "one square or two." All I keep thinking of is Seinfeld and "Can you spare a square?" To date, the poop artist has not been found.
18. One of the funniest moments and best lines ever (related to the toilet paper rationing.) The teacher next door poked her head in my classroom today and jokingly asked if anyone needed any. I showed her my unopened toilet paper roll sitting on my desk. She was amazed and says to the class, "Do you not ever poop? Do you not need toilet paper?" One of my students without missing a beat and in all seriousness says "No, we're just not wipers!" I about fell out of my chair laughing. Of course, he then while all red in the face, tried to explain that he meant our class doesn't wipe poop all over the walls. Apparently my students have better toileting manners than most. However...
19. What is up with 7th grade boys and the constant touching? I don't mean they are touching themselves or even other girls. They are constantly touching other boys. Once while showing a movie in our theater, we had to break up a group of boys who were spooning. They are not gay and I wouldn't care if they were. They play with each other's hair. They walk down the halls with their arms around each other. Once, while the boys were lined up to go in the bathroom, I warned them not to be in there touching each other or trying to peek at one another (a constant problem for my class.) One of my boys gets all riled up and felt the need to defend himself and says "Hey, I only touch boys sometimes!" What do you say to that?
Thursday, September 17, 2009
If you're deaf in one ear, can you still hear in stereo? -Why 2009 is my year
Copied from my Facebook notes...
Many of you kindly indulged my lengthy note on the ins and outs of Meniere's Disease and for that...thanks!. What I wrote was the basic, medical mumbo jumbo that you can find doing a simple internet search. Now I feel the need to explain the personal part of this disease. Perhaps, my own catharsis. Again not for your pity but to increase everyone's understanding of my condition and maybe to help us all realize we never know what other people are going through. We need to be more understanding and accepting. This is something with which I am challenging myself to be better. This started for me when I was 25 years old. I was living the good life in Boone at the time. The journey from the first vertigo attack to diagnosis took almost a year. I was tested for various tumors, (including brain), lupus, and multiple sclerosis to name a few. I also saw a Ear-Nose-Throat doctor who told me that "I would grow out of it." Remember: I was 25 at the time. Grow out of it???? Needless to say, it was frustrating and nerve-wracking. I was having vertigo attacks 3-4 times a week that led to violent vomiting and wishing I could just die so it would be done with. The attacks would wake me up at night and last hours. You can't sleep through one of those suckers. I had no medication to fight it and no answers as to what was wrong with me. I had to drop out of school. I was trying to work as a waitress but was failing at that as well. It was at this time I began to realize people do not deal well with illness. Some relatives and co-workers accused me of faking it. Friends quit calling. When I finally got my diagnosis, I started getting a lot of this: "Oh I know somebody with that and they're fine. They work." Or "I get dizzy too and I'm okay." I would graciously smile and go on my way but inside my head I was screaming expletives at these people. Don't pretend you can relate to someone if you haven't been through it yourself. When it's an invisible disease, people tend to think it doesn't exist. I finally gave up explaining it to people which I now realize was a mistake.
Fast forward...I had surgery years ago on my ear and got some good results. Now I am under the care of a knowledgeable doctor at Baptist Hospital and I am in better shape. However, this stupid disease is still running its course. I have lost close to 50% of my hearing in my affected ear. It fluctuates and some days it's better than others but it's still bad. Hearing aids are in my future (if they'll work for me.) Speech distortion is a problem at the moment. The tinnitus is 24/7. I can't stand a silent room because the squealing is unbearable. I go back every summer for a hearing test to see how things are progressing. Last summer's test was the worst yet. I go back in a few weeks for the next one. Fingers crossed that it'll be better. Ironically, sudden loud noises can bother me too. The scariest attack I ever had was when my toddler son screamed in my ear. I was home alone with a 2-year old and a newborn. I crawled to the phone, got help, threw up and then laid there stuck on the floor unable to move. Since then, I keep my cell phone close and Valium in my pocket. Valium, if taken quickly enough, can stop a vertigo attack in its tracks.
So as for 2009, I figure my hearing in my left ear is about shot. I may end up with this in my good ear too. Some signs are there that it's happening now but nothing definite. Odds are in my favor that it won't happen in my other ear. I keep thinking of all the things I can't do...like scuba dive, fly, go on a cruise, pass a sobriety test, etc. My so-called "Bucket List" included seeing various artists in concert and going to the beach so I could hear the waves again. While it is not the financially responsible thing to do, I can't help myself. I want to go while I can still hear Bono go into one of his awesome monologues. I want to hear the perfect pitch of Jason Mraz. I want to shake my booty to G.Love while I can still hear the beat. And in a few short weeks, I'll be sitting on the beautiful beach listening to the waves crashing in. I may be drugged up on some valium to get through but if I'm lucky, it'll just enhance the experience!! :-) And maybe if I'm really lucky, I'll stabilize and be able to make 2010 my year too! and 2011, 2012, 2013...Party on people. Do it while you can!
Many of you kindly indulged my lengthy note on the ins and outs of Meniere's Disease and for that...thanks!. What I wrote was the basic, medical mumbo jumbo that you can find doing a simple internet search. Now I feel the need to explain the personal part of this disease. Perhaps, my own catharsis. Again not for your pity but to increase everyone's understanding of my condition and maybe to help us all realize we never know what other people are going through. We need to be more understanding and accepting. This is something with which I am challenging myself to be better. This started for me when I was 25 years old. I was living the good life in Boone at the time. The journey from the first vertigo attack to diagnosis took almost a year. I was tested for various tumors, (including brain), lupus, and multiple sclerosis to name a few. I also saw a Ear-Nose-Throat doctor who told me that "I would grow out of it." Remember: I was 25 at the time. Grow out of it???? Needless to say, it was frustrating and nerve-wracking. I was having vertigo attacks 3-4 times a week that led to violent vomiting and wishing I could just die so it would be done with. The attacks would wake me up at night and last hours. You can't sleep through one of those suckers. I had no medication to fight it and no answers as to what was wrong with me. I had to drop out of school. I was trying to work as a waitress but was failing at that as well. It was at this time I began to realize people do not deal well with illness. Some relatives and co-workers accused me of faking it. Friends quit calling. When I finally got my diagnosis, I started getting a lot of this: "Oh I know somebody with that and they're fine. They work." Or "I get dizzy too and I'm okay." I would graciously smile and go on my way but inside my head I was screaming expletives at these people. Don't pretend you can relate to someone if you haven't been through it yourself. When it's an invisible disease, people tend to think it doesn't exist. I finally gave up explaining it to people which I now realize was a mistake.
Fast forward...I had surgery years ago on my ear and got some good results. Now I am under the care of a knowledgeable doctor at Baptist Hospital and I am in better shape. However, this stupid disease is still running its course. I have lost close to 50% of my hearing in my affected ear. It fluctuates and some days it's better than others but it's still bad. Hearing aids are in my future (if they'll work for me.) Speech distortion is a problem at the moment. The tinnitus is 24/7. I can't stand a silent room because the squealing is unbearable. I go back every summer for a hearing test to see how things are progressing. Last summer's test was the worst yet. I go back in a few weeks for the next one. Fingers crossed that it'll be better. Ironically, sudden loud noises can bother me too. The scariest attack I ever had was when my toddler son screamed in my ear. I was home alone with a 2-year old and a newborn. I crawled to the phone, got help, threw up and then laid there stuck on the floor unable to move. Since then, I keep my cell phone close and Valium in my pocket. Valium, if taken quickly enough, can stop a vertigo attack in its tracks.
So as for 2009, I figure my hearing in my left ear is about shot. I may end up with this in my good ear too. Some signs are there that it's happening now but nothing definite. Odds are in my favor that it won't happen in my other ear. I keep thinking of all the things I can't do...like scuba dive, fly, go on a cruise, pass a sobriety test, etc. My so-called "Bucket List" included seeing various artists in concert and going to the beach so I could hear the waves again. While it is not the financially responsible thing to do, I can't help myself. I want to go while I can still hear Bono go into one of his awesome monologues. I want to hear the perfect pitch of Jason Mraz. I want to shake my booty to G.Love while I can still hear the beat. And in a few short weeks, I'll be sitting on the beautiful beach listening to the waves crashing in. I may be drugged up on some valium to get through but if I'm lucky, it'll just enhance the experience!! :-) And maybe if I'm really lucky, I'll stabilize and be able to make 2010 my year too! and 2011, 2012, 2013...Party on people. Do it while you can!
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