Why the periphery?

While I realize this blog will never be seen by anyone I know, I'm going to explain my reasoning behind the title, "nicki of the peripheral view." This is how I view my life. I live along the edges of my friends' and families' lives. They know I'm there, they appreciate me but I am often unheard and overlooked. Ironically, this label came from a high school teacher I had who wrote a poem for me and referred to me as "beautiful, ghostlike, fleeting from the peripheral view." I always liked that description of myself. This poem was only one of two that have ever been written for me. And as fate would have it, this high school teacher is now serving out the rest of his life in state prison for molesting little boys. So now that poem is tainted. The other was written by a cheating boyfriend I had so it doesn't exactly mean much either. Which brings me back to my point, I have close friends who I can depend on but while I am in their circle, I am fleeting along the edges. Not necessarily a terrible place to be as it allows me to move in and out as I see fit. Hanging out along the periphery has allowed me to become more observant. I am more aware of people's moods and feelings and can pick up on subtle nuances that other people would miss. This I consider a gift and as strange as it may seem, I am very grateful for it.