Lucy

I had to put my almost 15-year old dog, Lucy, to sleep Friday.  My heart is broken.  I keep looking for her black form lying somewhere near me.  She always had to be near.  Even as her ears, one eye, and her legs began to fail her, she would still hop up and do her best to find me.  Content to just be close.  To be near my scent.  I miss her terribly even though I've known this day was coming for a while now.  Her last couple days were filled with pain and confusion.  She lost the ability to walk and yet, all the wanted was to be near.  We drove her to the vet Friday afternoon and stayed with her until the end and stayed with her broken body after her soul had left.  She licked my hand, I buried my face in her neck while she passed.  Hearing the vet say, "she's gone" will ring in my head for a long time to come.  Seeing her lifeless body on that table will stay with me forever.  Oh please please I hope I did the right thing.  Her ashes will be returned to us and I'll continue to keep her near.  I tell myself she's free of her suffering now.  That she's romping back in the mountains, exploring the woods, barking and herding her friends along...like she loved to do in her youth.  Now I feel a different pain and for me, it is relentless.  I know from losing pets as a child that it'll get easier as time moves forward.  In the meantime, I just go through the motions.

Love you Lucy.  Thanks for all your unwavering love and devotion.  'Til we meet again...