I don't think I've been this down, literally and metaphorically, with Meniere's since it first hit. While I am not having the violent vertigo attacks, I am facing a new enemy that I just don't know how to handle. The floor continues to move. My head swims suddenly. I have spent the majority of this week as a captive in my own home. The only thing I've managed to do each day is go pick up my kids. Well, that's not entirely true. On the way home, we stopped by the park a couple times. They always want to play outside as soon as they get home. The park is easier for me because I can sit and just let them run wild and not worry about them too much. Plus the park is really close to where my brother works and my parents live. Should an emergency arise, they could be there in minutes. My problem with bringing them straight home and letting them play outside is that all the kids in the neighborhood descend upon us as soon as we hit the driveway. I then end up babysitting everybody's kids. And almost without fail, one of my kids either gets hurt or has one of their toys broken by one of the other kids. Also, I just can't take all that noise and running around me. At the park, I can distance myself somewhat and this time of year it isn't too crowded yet.
I find myself crying a lot, especially at night because I can't stand this feeling. I went to the library the other day and had to hold on to the shelves the whole time to keep my balance. I had to take a Valium and hurry out of there. It also worries me because I can tell by my husband's reaction that this is something he's never seen in me before either and he's been with me since before this all started.
I've called my doctor's office and by way of messenger was told that this is unfortunately part of the disease. He said to go ahead and take the Valium as I needed it for these "flare-ups." I guess what I may need to impress upon them soon is that this is happening everyday. If things are no better by the middle of next week, I may call again. Not sure it would do me any good as I have an appointment on the 20th for a hearing test and a ECoG in my good ear. I don't think he can do much for me until he has the results of those tests. Right now, the way I feel, if he said come tomorrow and we'll do the gentamicin injections, I wouldn't hesitate.
We're supposed to go to the zoo on Sunday with the kids. We went last year and it was so much fun that we decided to do it again this Easter. I don't have the slightest idea how I will make it through though. It is several miles of walking. All kinds of visual stimulus. It's also supposed to be about 80 degrees that day. My plan for now is to pretty much time Valium on a rather constant basis. It really does help. I know I'm not supposed to and only save it for times when things are bad but I really don't want to mess up this trip. The kids are so excited and I love the zoo myself.
Hopefully, I'll be back with a post in a few days with good news about our little excursion!!
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“In a Meniere’s Slump” succinctly bears witness to what goes into coping with this terrible illness. No aspect of our lives is untouched. These changes are terrifying.
ReplyDeleteMy recent cluster of vertigo attacks has now given way to similar “swimmy-headedness" that you so aptly describe. This is new and frightening, and, like you, I am not sure how to handle it.
I am trying to look at my Meniere’s, while taking away parts of my life, as just a different way of living. But, I can make no sense of suffering this “swimmy-headedness."
It helps to learn about this experience with another person. We all have to find our own way, but we do not necessarily have to be alone on this difficult journey.
“The soul would have no rainbow if the eyes had no tears.”
-- MINQUASS PROVERB
I hope the trip to the zoo on Sunday with your children goes well!
thanks, denis. i really like that proverb! my soul has done its fair share of creating rainbows lately then. ;) you're right. it does help to learn about this disease with someone else who is experiencing it. it is so hard for other people to understand.
ReplyDeletealso, like you, i can make no sense of having to live as i am currently living. surely, there is something more to be done for us. i don't want to drug myself into oblivion just to reach a normal functioning level. i doubt i will get many satisfactory answers when i see my doc again. he's really good and i know he's got my best interest at heart but there's just not much he can do. on the off-chance, he tells me anything of consequence, i'll be back to update. well, i'll probably be back to update either way. let's just hope it's good news. thanks for reading. hope you find some relief soon! have a great weekend!