2010 F**k-It List-that's right, not a Bucket List

This was inspired by an article on Huffington Post.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/darryle-pollack/beyond-the-bucket-list_b_407801.html

The idea is to let go of some the things you've been holding on to from the past, goals you haven't met yet but you keep beating yourself up about it, forgiving yourself for not being perfect.  So before I come up with some kind of silly resolution list or "Bucket List," I figure it's time for me to LET IT GO!

1. I will never be organized.  Neat will never be my natural state.  
2. I will always be in debt.  Up to my eyeballs.  It makes me crazy.
   
3. I will never be a natural athlete.  I'm lucky to walk in a straight line most days.
4. Friends will disappoint you and you will disappoint your friends.  Same is true for family.  It's a natural part of life.  However, some transgressions I can't let go.  I know I should be a better person and "forgiveness" is divine.  But some things cut too deep.  There I said it.  Shame be upon me.
   
5. I'll never be the quintessential housewife.  This kind of goes back to the neatness thing.  I'm also just not good at running a household.  I don't like to cook either and don't plan on changing.
   
6. I made numerous mistakes in my youth.  Don't want to go into the list here as it affects others.  Many a bad judgment call has been made on my part.  I let most of those go due to the stupidity of youth.
7. I have an incredibly low tolerance for bullsh*t.  People will stand there and smile and tell me some massive pile of horse manure.  I let them.  I smile and I let them.  I will continue to do so.  It's my nature.  I don't like confrontation.  Problem with that is I become a little ticking time bomb.  One day somebody pushes too much dung on me and I fire back.  Thankfully, that's rare but it'll happen again.  Can't help it, it's my nature.
   
8. There are several classic pieces of literature I will never read.  I've tried.  They are boring.  I can't take it.  
9. I thrive off of sarcasm.  I don't think I could make it 24 hours without making some kind of smart@ss remark.  However, I wield my weapon with care.  Some people can't take it and I know that.  With them, I bite my tongue and then explode in the satirical, volcanic equivalent of Mt. St. Helens later with some other poor unsuspecting soul who is thinking, "there she goes again..." 
   
10. I've been known to be a little lazy.  Yep, L-A-Z-Y, it's not gonna change.  I prefer to think of it as "lost in thought" or "daydreaming."  There's something to be said for being in those states.  Really, I mean it.  Not enough people let their minds go to wherever it may lead them.  I do.  A lot.  If I don't, my dreams will do it for me anyway.  I swear I have the freakiest dreams.
11. Perhaps, most offensive to the reader, is that I have great difficulty in accepting religious or political fanatics.  I'm all for freedom of speech and religion but I get downright agitated when someone tries to force their viewpoints on me or my children.  I'm not talking about your average churchgoer or your average voter.  I'm talking about the ones who tell me I'm going to hell because I don't go to church.  Or the ones who condemn entire cultures just because they don't follow the same god.  As far as politics, republican or democrat, they are all fatally flawed.  Quit blaming the other side.  Work together for once.  See there...I should be more tolerant of these people.  I know that.  But will I be able to change that about myself?  No.  It kinda goes back to #7.
    

So, to heck with it.  Accept the things you cannot change or some cliche like that.  That's me...warty and all.  I apologize if I offend anyone who reads this but as for accepting myself...I'm okay with it, f**k it.  Happy 2010!

Next up...what I hope to do in 2010.  No resolutions though...won't keep them.  Guess that should be #12.

Interesting article on tinnitus

http://www.cnn.com/2009/HEALTH/12/28/tinnitus.metallica.drummer/index.html

i try to warn my friends about this. they don't seem to take it seriously. they continue to go without ear protection and laugh it off as my paranoia. which i have to admit, hurts a little. i live with tinnitus 24/7 and it's nothing to laugh at.

this article does a good job describing the physiological processes of tinnitus. hopefully, one day we'll have a cure.

sometimes songs say it better...

this one i can't get out of my head right now.  it's going round and round and in and out of my brain and i love it...

"Ray of Sunshine" - Jason Mraz

Well...
Chorus:
Sometimes the sun the shines on other peoples houses and not mine
Somedays the clouds paint the sky all gray it takes away the summer sky
and sometimes the sun shines upon you while i kindly stand by
if theres a light in everybody, send out your ray of sunshine

Verse 1:
i want to walk the same roads as everyone else
through the trees and past the gates
getting high on heavenly breezes and make some friends along the way
i wont ask much of nobody im just here to sing along
and make my mistakes look gracious
and learn some lessons from my wrongs

(chorus)

Verse 2:
Ohh if this little light of mine combined with yours today
how many watts could we 'luminate
how many villages could we save
well my umbrella is tried of the weather wearing me down
well look at me now...

you should look as good as your outlook would you mind if i took some time
to soak up your light, your beautiful light, you got a paradise inside
i get hungry for love and thirsty for life
but much too full on the pain
when i look to the sky to help me and it often looks like rain


(chorus)

your perfect in design, i hope you hang around
so the sun it can shine on me
and the clouds can all roll away
and the sky it become our possibility
theres a light in everybody
send out your ray of sunshine

Einstein Quote About Religion-sums it up for me

"To sense that behind anything that can be experienced there is a something that our mind cannot grasp and whose beauty and sublimity reaches us only indirectly and as a feeble reflection, this is religiousness.


In this sense I am religious. 

To me it suffices to wonder at these secrets and to attempt humbly to grasp with my mind a mere image of the lofty structure of all that there is."


never can come up with the right words to describe my relationship with religion and spirituality.  this one seems to sum it up quite nicely.  

Back in bed for the day...

Heh...the title makes me laugh.  Such a middle schooler at heart.

Alas for me, back in bed is not where I want to be.  I woke up after sleeping another 11-hours last night to pain and fullness in my good ear.  The mysterious pain.  I am definitely off-balance and walking slowly and lightly holding on to things here and there to assure myself I'm upright and okay.  I'm dizzy even when I'm lying down.  Definitely overdid it for Christmas.  Trying to remind myself, it could be worse.  I've been through some of the worst this disease has to offer.  While what I am currently experiencing is frustrating, at least it is not the hell that is a full-blown vertigo attack.  Also, I am always mindful that I could be dealing with a much worse condition.  Meniere's is debilitating but at least it isn't terminal.  It may temporarily disable me, but it won't paralyze me.

I am sad though because I am here at home alone missing out on time with my kids again.  We finally have a sunny day and they are off to try out their new scooters outside for the first time and I'm missing it.  I can't be upright that long and I'll have the kids all week this week since school is out.  I have to take it easy while I can.  I'm also going to miss out on lunch with some old friends I haven't seen in years. 

I wish I knew what this ear pain was.  I'm thinking referred pain from a possible migraine.  I have met a friend online who has the same symptoms and her ear pain is from her migraines and she has MAV.  The paranoid side of me is still worried that I am going bilateral.  The fullness today is what worries me most about that.  The fullness coinciding with an increase in dizziness realllly makes me paranoid.  However, I should not worry about things I cannot control.  Easier said than done.  My ENT won't do another hearing test until I have healed more from my surgery.  I am a little anxious to get that done because it may give me some clue what my right ear may be doing.  I need to get in touch with his office next week and set up our next appointment.  Once again, I wait and see...

To better days ahead!!!

Whew...holiday marathon over...let the dizzies begin :-(

Knew it was coming but didn't expect it to hit quite this hard.  My ENT always says the holidays are the worst on people with Meniere's.  I don't know if tired would even describe it.  We have had something going on for days now.  I just now finished my last family gathering for Christmas.  Now don't get me wrong, I am soooo grateful to spend the holidays with such wonderful people and to be surrounded by such love but it has taken it's toll.  Yesterday, after the kids got up at 7:15 full of wonder and awe that Santa came, we played and had a great time for hours.  Then I felt myself crashing and went to take a nap and slept for 2 hours.  Then I ended up with a migraine, not a bad one, but still a migraine.  I was really hoping that quitting the birth control pills would've helped that by now.  I guess it could be they need more time to get out of my system.  Slept for about 11 hours last night.  Woke up still exhausted but drug myself out for our last family get together.  It was loud, noisy, but good to see everyone.  Now, I'm home and my kids are riding their new scooters back and forth in the house (I know...I'm insane, but it's been raining and they can't go outside) and the noise and motion may send me over the edge.  I'm reaching the point where I have to decide how much do I let my disease affect them.  Do I make them quit because I'm miserable?  Doesn't seem exactly fair.  It's another one of the subtle nuances of this damned disease that people don't get.  My children shouldn't have to suffer because of it.  I already have to tell them enough to "keep it down" or "that hurts mommy's ears."  Most likely what will end up happening is I'll end up back in my bedroom away from all the noise and chatter because my ears feel like they just cannot process anymore information.  How can I go back to work if I can only get through 3 days of activity at a time before I collapse and need days to recuperate?  The bright side is at least I'm getting through 3 days.  Hopefully, my strength is slowly building back up.

I really am becoming more and more suspicious that I have Migraine Associated Vertigo.  I'm starting to think that the Shunt Revision surgery did help the Meniere's.  I'm not nearly as off-balance as I was and the spins are better.  It's the constant motion sickness, dizziness, nausea, and headaches that are really aggravating me right now.  I'm just not sure what to do about it at this point.  My first step was to quit the b.c. pills.  I guess I'll go through with the hysterectomy.  I also think I'm going to pursue some more chiropractic treatment.  My headaches start in my upper neck at the base of my skull and then sometimes move to above one of my eyes and most of the time it continues on to include pain all through my neck and upper back.  I can feel it getting worse now.  When I've seen the chiropractor before for this, it does help.  The headaches/neck ache/muscle pain disappears with one or two treatments.  Problem is they keep returning.  I can't afford to keep going back as much as I need to.  I need to find the trigger for all this, get back on my feet (literally) and get back to life. 

Shunt update

I haven't updated in a while about my surgery and in a way that's a good thing because it means I've been able to get out and do more.  I've actually been having some good days now and then whereas before I was mostly bedridden or holding on to things to get around.  I've been pretty dizzy the past couple days but I think it's from overdoing it...again.  But how can you resist a good romp in the snow with your kids?  especially when it's their first real snow!!  Today I finished some shopping and had lunch with my kids and did a little house cleaning.  Now I have that heavy headed feeling and my eyes are tired. 

I went back to the doctor on December 15th and he is still not releasing me to go back to work.  It looks like it'll be February now before I get the green light.  As much as I hate to admit it, he was right all along.  I needed to stay home and give myself time to heal and time to let this latest spell settle some.  My bank account is going to suffer majorly though.  I HAVE to get back to work as soon as possible. 

Oddly enough, it seems as if my constant struggle over the last year and a half to find a birth control pill that works for me may have contributed to my current state.  Most of the pills have caused migraines.  The one that didn't cause headaches caused severe cramps that were on the same level of intensity as migraines.  One day at work they hit so bad, I got nauseous and had to leave.  I was in tears driving home.  So yesterday I met with my Gynecologist and it looks as if I'll be getting a hysterectomy and hopefully ending this roller coaster ride of hormones as well as ending the other issues that come with it.  I'm not excited about yet another surgery but who knows, may be that this what will help me all the way around. 

I'm particulary curious to see if it works because I think I've developed a condition called Migraine Associated Vertigo which is very similar to Meniere's.  MAV also includes constant dizziness, imbalance and extreme sensitvity to motion sickness.  All of which I have.  This condition usually has a trigger or triggers just like some people with regular migraines.  I think my trigger may be birth control pills.  If I don't take them anymore, maybe I'll get a little relief??  Who knows.  This darned disease is such a mystery that I have no idea anymore and in reality, I'm grasping at straws. 

But as far as the hysterectomy goes, this is the perfect time for me to do it.  I'm already off work.  I'm not having more children and I can't handle the cramping anymore.  So even if it doesn't help the Meniere's, I'll have one other monkey off my back.  I'm currently off all birth control so that may give me some idea between now and surgery if they're affecting me.  Surgery may be as early as January 5th. 

The next few days are going to be hectic with lots of Christmas activities.  By saturday night, I'll be worthless.  Then for the week after that, I have the kids by myself.  That ought to be a good indication of how ready I am to go back.  I've had them for the past 3 days because of the snow and that has affected me too.  Can't nap a lot with a 4-year old and 6-year old around.  They are great kids though and do let me rest some.  They've got a lot more patience than I do. 

Happy Holidays to all!

It snowed! Real snow!! Wow!

It started on Friday and went on through the night. It was so beautiful and the kids loved it. This is their first real experience with snow. Last year, we got an inch one time and it melted by lunch. That blew their minds then. This time, we got 10 inches and it's been around for 3 days and will be here for a couple more. There's not much that's more entertaining than watching children see and play in snow for the first time. We've done all the traditional stuff-built snowmen, had snowball fights, lots of sledding. It's been great and made me reminisce about all my days in Boone. I miss snow. I wish it would do this all the time. It has lifted my spirits and put me more in the Christmas frame of mind.

Watching the wheels...

People say I'm crazy doing what I'm doing,
Well they give me all kinds of warnings to save me from ruin,
When I say that I'm o.k. they look at me kind of strange,
Surely your not happy now you no longer play the game,

People say I'm lazy dreaming my life away,
Well they give me all kinds of advice designed to enlighten me,
When I tell that I'm doing Fine watching shadows on the wall,
Don't you miss the big time boy you're no longer on the ball?

I'm just sitting here watching the wheels go round and round,
I really love to watch them roll,
No longer riding on the merry-go-round,
I just had to let it go,

People asking questions lost in confusion,
Well I tell them there's no problem,
Only solutions,
Well they shake their heads and they look at me as if I've lost my mind,
I tell them there's no hurry...
I'm just sitting here doing time,

I'm just sitting here watching the wheels go round and round,
I really love to watch them roll,
No longer riding on the merry-go-round,
I just had to let it go.
~~~John Lennon

RIP John Lennon

Endolymphatic Shunt Revision Update

Title sounds so important, doesn't it? Today marks 3 weeks since surgery. Wish I had good news to report but unfortunately, I don't. The past 5 days have been really bad. Only good thing is I haven't had a severe vertigo attack...yet. I am so dizzy that I can barely walk most of the time. I get so sick when I have to get in the car. Even just lying in bed, I feel dizzy.

I went back to my doctor yesterday. He put me out of work until after Christmas. He was adamant that I didn't need the stress of trying to teach a bunch of active, noisy 7th graders nor did I need the stress that comes along with other parts of my job. He pretty much insisted I had to stay home and give this some time to settle down. I'm depressed right now but know in my heart he's right.

While I was there, he pulled the tube out of my ear, ouch, because it was clogged and he couldn't get it as clean as it needed it to be. It's been in so long that I have a good-sized hole in my eardrum that will likely stay open for some time to come. Good news is I can use my Meniett again. I'm really hoping that it will make a difference. I've been without it now for 3 weeks. It will probably take a few weeks for it to start working again.

I go back on the 15th for another follow-up. Not sure what good that'll do but he said he wanted to monitor me closely. Probably check on the hole and see how my hearing is. Right now, in my affected ear, it's worse than normal which is to be expected after this surgery. I'm curious as to the condition of the hearing in my "good" ear. I don't think it's affected but I would feel better if I had it tested.

Now to find new and interesting ways to pass the time while stuck at home alone.

Inspiration and Awe

Amazing pictures of our planet and our humanity. In love with every shot! Go to the link below for more!!


http://www.boston.com/bigpicture/2009/11/national_geographics_internati.html

RileyGate-A Satire of ClimateGate

RileyGate

Stunning New Allegations Against Middle School Teacher and Soccer Mom

The "We Love Oil-Drill, Baby, Drill Press" has come across some disturbing information about a woman who has been given the charge of teaching our children and perhaps, more disturbingly, she has procreated and is raising two children of her own. An anonymous source from Bumscrew, Egypt has reportedly hacked into her various e-mail accounts and discovered that she is far from the intelligent, loving, moral and ethical community leader that many once thought.

This anonymous source has leaked this information just in time for Mrs. Riley's employee review that would result in her receiving her longevity pay. "Thank the good Lord above," a parent said on agreement that her name not be used, "we could've been rewarding this monster. We have now saved our children and hers from a certain fate of hedonism and sin of the likes that have never been seen before."

What is in these e-mails that has raised everyone's cockles? The anonymous hacker said that out of hundreds of e-mails that span several years, he was able to pull out certain sentences, data, and review her contact lists and was able to come to the following conclusion that is given in part below.

"Mrs. Riley has many idols that she worships before God. There are numerous correspondences with entities such as Amazon, Target, and Discovery Store-especially worrisome given all the obvious falsified science given on the site as well as the promotion of scientific inquiry in our impressionable young. Mrs. Riley also apparently has a drug problem as she receives several drug deals from someone who is only known by the initials CVS. This CVS person is constantly promising her better deals on drugs. It is obvious from these communications that her addiction to Children's Tylenol is out of control. Mrs. Riley should also be reported to the proper authorities concerning the safety of her own children. One glaring e-mail that showed her total neglect for her own children asked of her own mother, 'can you get the kids today?' She can't even be responsible enough to pick up her own children. Shameful. Disgraceful. Furthermore, it was uncovered in these e-mails that she recently sent her four year old daughter to school with no socks! Oh, the humanity! It is further concerning that in her personal e-mails with colleagues and friends that she is associated with several people who support liberals. This may be the most disturbing of all. She is shamelessly corresponding with socialists, marxists, and leninists. She agrees with these radical left wingers that our healthcare system is in desperate need of repair and is in full support of Obama becoming a dictator of our beloved country. Also discovered in these e-mails were videos that mocked our most sacred holiday, the birth of our Savior, Christmas. In these videos, friends' faces were spliced onto the bodies of elves who dance and sing various Christmas songs in a most provocative way. Finally, it should be noted that in her Spam folder, we found many links to many pornographic sites of which the perversity of each one is unspeakable. By accepting these e-mails into her Spam folder, it is obvious she supports the lifestyles of these perverts. In addition, e-mails from Mrs. Riley's professional account, were obtained by the hacker from Bumscrew. These e-mails are known to contain confidential information about students including such things as their possible Special Needs, grades, and home addresses. According to the anonymous source, this isn't illegal because if it can be hacked, it's free for anyone to read and altered. Some of these e-mails were between Mrs. Riley and her substitute teacher, a former German teacher obviously placed in her classroom to indoctrinate the children in the ideals of Nazi Germany, discussed how best to assign points on a particular assignment with statements such as should each question be two points each or three points each? These two educators were playing fast and loose with some serious numbers. One distraught parent, who only agreed to give a statement if granted anonymity, had the following to say about her child, 'Now I don't know if the grade is a 98 or a 97. How are we supposed to live like this? Please, parents, open your eyes to this hoax of a teacher and remove her from the classroom.' This parent then dissolved into tears unable to be comforted and who can blame them when such shocking discussions are uncovered between her and her peers."

Repeated attempts to access the full texts of these e-mails have gone unanswered. This reporter's anonymous source will only say that their anonymous source is credible. The public is in an uproar and demanding her immediate firing and subsequent jailing in the strictest security prison where she will receive the punishment she deserves from her fellow prisoners. They feel her punishment should be to the fullest extent of the law for such ludicrous communications and intellectual discussions even suggesting that life without parole may be too light of a sentence.

When the anonymous source gets back in contact with this reporter's anonymous source, the story will be updated as quickly as possible.

Family Outing!

Yesterday I made it out! Out with Tim and the kids! Went to eat at the lovely and awesome Bagelry and then headed across the street to a little Christmas Festival on the square type thing. The kids got to see Santa. They got their faces painted, made crafts, and we all went on a carriage ride around town. I was fairly steady throughout the whole thing which ended up being a few hours long. The weather was beautiful and the kids had a blast. I was really tired this morning but I'm not dizzy like after my last little adventure. Hopefully, that's a sign of progress. My ear is still making this popping/cracking noise. The tube is no longer clogged-found that out when the hydrogen peroxide I put in it ran down my throat...so lovely. But hey, that's good news. Should mean when I go back to the doc that he won't have to do much roto-rootering around in there. This week brings Thanksgiving and lots of activity. Should be interesting to see how it all goes.

In the meantime, I'm accepting the little victory of spending some time with the kids and trying to be positive.

One Step Forward, Two Steps Back

I ventured out into the world on my own yesterday to test the waters post-surgery as my doctor wanted. Yesterday was Day 8. I went to pick up the kids from school (such a treat!), and then stopped by my school to try and get a handle on what's been going on in my classroom and what needs to be done. I ended up being there for almost 2 hours with a constant barrage of people talking to me, updating me with information, and also my kids were running around with some of their little friends having a blast but being very noisy. My brain was definitely on overload. We left and then I find out Tim isn't going to be home for 2 more hours. I decided to stop and grab food for the kids because one, I'm not a great cook, and two, our stove caught on fire a couple days ago and all we have for now is a microwave. That's a whole other story-new stove arrives tomorrow. During all of this I felt okay. Moving slowly but getting by. Today it seems I am paying for it. I have been very dizzy and off-balance and nauseous all day. Pretty much like I felt pre-surgery. I also have this popping in my ear that feels like my eardrum is trying to adjust itself. It's kind of a bummer but I know I can't expect to be healed all at once.

So that's the update. I feel like I'm back to square one. Hopefully it has nothing to do with not being able to use my Meniett. I'll try for a restful evening and a good night's sleep and see if that helps. The incision is healing very well. No longer bruised and the swelling is almost gone!

The Reasons I Keep on Keepin' On

Really, is there anything better?
Love you both and Love your Love more than anything else in the universe!

Checkin' in with the doc

Had my follow up appointment today. I must admit to tiring of the trip back and forth to Winston. But if it has to be done, so be it. Good news is I'm healing well despite the fact it looks like somebody sucker punched me behind my ear. Only problem is my eardrum tube is clogged with dried blood. Mmmmm, so nice to visualize I know. Dr. May pulled out a large chunk of something while I was there but couldn't get this clot out without pulling out the whole tube. And for those of you fortunate enough not to have experienced that, it hurts like hell. I know because a year or so ago, he had to pull it out and replace it and he did it without any numbing medicine. Holy moly...is the nicest way I can put that. So I now have to try putting drops of hydrogen peroxide in several times a day and see if it will help soften the clot and get it to come out. While all of that may be annoying, it's definitely tolerable. What scares me is that the machine I use called the Meniett which has kept me vertigo free for 4 years is useless right now. I can't use it for a couple more weeks. I've never been so long without it and I have no idea how I'm going to react. On the one hand, the wonderful new shunt should help out a great deal. On the other, any other time my Meniett has not worked properly (usually due to the tube coming out of my ear), I have had a bad vertigo attack. I'm scared. True vertigo is the worst feeling on Earth. I would endure almost anything else to avoid an attack, including yanking tubes out of my ear without pain medication! Even childbirth with no epidural-yes, I've done that too!! Not by choice mind you. Let's just say, my cervix is all business when it comes to babies.
Positive thoughts. Positive thoughts. Positive thoughts. That's what my doctor kept telling me. He's absolutely right. I'll get there, maybe...having a lot of trouble reaching that point today.
Nevertheless that's the status report. This is now 6 days post-op. I go back to work on Nov. 30 and back to the doc on Dec. 1. I am to slowly increase my activity between now and then so we have an idea if work is even a possibility. I am worn out from today-trip to Winston, a lovely stop at Barnes and Noble-2 new books, yay!, stop at Lowe's to buy a new stove to replace the one that caught on fire the other day-yes, on fire and not from food, and then to pick up the kids from school. I shall spend the rest of the evening putting drops in my ear and trying not to worry.

Do you know how hard it is to see behind your own ear?

Ear as of 11/16. 5-days post-op. Pretty, eh? Feeling pretty good today. Feeling more stable. Still oozing stuff out of my ear.

Wow, I'm so sexy right now...

Recovering, Recuperating, Hopefully Rejuvenating...

Alas, it came down to surgery to try and chase the dizzies away. Had it done this past Wednesday 11/11. Hopefully a little luck will go with that. I wanted to take a minute and document my recovery for future reference...
FYI-the surgery is called endolymphatic sac shunt revision and takes place in the inner ear. To get there, they make an incision behind your ear, drill out some bone, and do what they need to do.
Day 1-Surgery-Doctor is reassuring. I'm scared but it's over before I know it and they wheel me off to a place called "Day Surgery" where I spent the night. Dr. May said the surgery was one of the best that he's been able to do. The old shunt was covered with scar tissue, which was expected, he was able to remove it all, shave some bone to create some more room and give me a new shunt. Felt pretty good that night at the hospital. Had a massive "ear muff " type bandage that wrapped around my head. It wasn't comfortable. Note to self and others...if you wear glasses, you won't be able to with this bandage on. Bring contacts or an old pair of glasses and remove whichever side you need. That's what Tim did for me. Couldn't sleep well that night. Not because of pain. Just general adrenaline and constant interruptions from nursing staff who by the way are very stingy with the pain meds. One Darvocet every 6 hours? Thank God I wasn't in that much pain.

Day 2-Dr. May comes in at 6am! Making his rounds before a full day at the office. Removes the bandage...what a relief. Wound is healing very well. Ear is draining like crazy. Have to keep a cotton ball in it until I see him again. A couple hours later, I'm on the way home! Pick up my kids which makes me smile and fall into my bed for a glorious nap. Having some pain, unsteady, constant oozing out of my ear. Lovely.

Day 3-Tim goes back to work. Grandparents take turns coming over and watching the kids. I am exhausted. My eyes are so heavy that I can't keep them open. Pain is still bearable and I can walk around some. By the end of the afternoon though, I feel a strange pressure in my head and noises are bothering me. Dizziness is coming in waves. Fall asleep early but wake up at 3am and can't get back to sleep. Oh and I managed an awkward shower today-so awesome!

Day 4-Saturday! Tim takes the kids hiking. I sleep all morning hoping that this is the last time I miss a family outing because of my stupid ear. Having mini-spins and dizzies. Unsteady and weak. Realize I'm not eating and probably should. Nothing sounds good. The only food I want is from a place that isn't open. Anesthesia always dulls my appetite. Ear is still oozing.

Day 5-Sunday! Everybody home all day. I'm still tired but feeling a little more energy. Decide to get up, shower, and go to lunch with the family. But by the time I get dressed, I get hit with major dizziness and nausea and have to get back in bed. Pulled a small, bloody glob out of my ear. Wondering if it has been stopping up my tube and not allowing the ear drops to get in. Pain is a little worse today. Also noticing more soreness around the incision. Guess the nerves are waking back up and wondering what the heck happened. Also, feeling depressed and I don't know why. My kids are going back to school tomorrow and it almost makes me cry. Hormonal? Anesthesia? Seems like I've read people can feel like this after surgery. Have also read that the nerves for anxiety run alongside the hearing and balance nerves. If that's true, maybe they were somehow affected. No work until after Thanksgiving. I am somewhat relieved to not have to worry about that but know that it's gonna get old real quick.

That's where I am now. Will update as time goes on. Please let this surgery work.

You got a shot in the what???

Called my ENT Monday and went to see him yesterday. To make a long story short, we went with the steroid injection into my ear. He went through the tube that is already there. It was not a fun experience but I've been through a lot worse. You have to lay back with your head tilted even further back for about 30 minutes. The medicine stings your inner ear and runs down your throat. They gave me peppermints to suck on during the procedure and that helped. The trick was not to choke on the mint while remaining still in a kind of upside down position. I don't know if it will work or not. I'm at home from work today just to give me time to regroup myself. If I had to base my decision on right now, I would say it didn't work which truly bums me out. The next step is surgery. However, he did say to give it a few days to know for sure. Now it's a waiting game. I'll go back to work tomorrow and Friday. That'll be the true test. If there's no improvement there, then I can pretty much say the injections did not work. My hopes right now lie solely within this shot and this other medicine I started over two weeks ago. It takes about six weeks to work, if it's going to, which means by Thanksgiving I should know if I have to have surgery or not. The surgery is an outpatient procedure during which he will go in and "revise" the previous inner ear shunt I had placed back in 1998. It is for sure covered in scar tissue by now. The possibility is that by clearing it out, I can get back to near "normal." I'm trying to stay positive and make myself believe that this is not coming from my good ear. As I mentioned in my last post, if this is in my good ear, I really don't think I can handle it. Keeping my fingers crossed that this shot will work and thinking now is a good time for a nap. I've been awake for a whole hour and a half. Whew...better rest. I'll keep my progress posted on here for my own sake so that I won't forget and maybe I can help someone else with this cursed disease.

Meniere's is kicking my butt today...

Was a little dizzy when I got up today which is normal. Went with Tim and the kids to get haircuts, have a yummy brunch at the Bagelry and hit the Pumpkin Patch. Sometime on the way home, I got hit with that old carsick feeling. It has progressed throughout the day to too dizzy to stand up for more than a minute or so. I start to feel like I'm falling down even though I know I'm not. It's very disconcerting. I've taken all my medicines and treatments including a long nap and I may be worse now. I'm lying down in bed now and my head feels like it has doubled in weight. Noise is bothering me too. It is so incredibly frustrating but this is the reality of having a vestibular disorder. It can come out of nowhere and kick your butt all over the place. There's no working through it or ignoring it when it gets to this point. I'm just grateful that it hasn't progressed to the hell that is full on vertigo attack.
As always, I'm wondering what did it this time? food? atmospheric pressure changes? I have no idea but that's the only two things I can come up with. Not all days are good days which is why I'm trying not to take the good days for granted. However if I find out I'm getting this crap in my other ear, I will completely come apart at the seams. I need to try to be positive about this and call my doctor Monday and see if I can get in sooner to see him.
Hoping for a steady night and a good day tomorrow!

A Lesson for Me-10 years into Teaching

In my tenth year of teaching and I find myself in the middle of a brand new experience. Sometimes, if you allow yourself to step back and let students figure things out for themselves, if you let them explore a topic or concept on their own, they really dig in and get involved. Furthermore, if you let them be involved in the discussion of the concept and let them be part of the decision making process, you really and truly reach more kids. So simple an idea but it took me ten years to get here and to be honest, it kind of happened by accident. I'll explain further but for the first time in years, I'm excited to be at work and excited to be a part of this project no matter where it may lead.
A couple weeks ago, I began a unit with my classes on air pollution. The usual stuff-causes, effects, solutions. It was a stereotypical lesson in which they read through the text and took notes. Then I got up and talked to them about some of the more important points made in the text. You see I was building up to my big lesson on global warming. Our text mentions it briefly along with the greenhouse effect but I wanted to go bigger and better. Using inspiration I found this summer, in music, in people, I wanted to do something a little more unique than just writing a paper. Keep in mind, my school district is severely limited this year by funding and access to technology. Brainstorming through all the directions I could go with this and the materials I have at hand, I finally decided on a multi-part project. The project had to reflect the curriculum and also had to show that my students had learned something from it. This doesn't leave a whole lot of room for creativity so I wanted to add that element to it too.
The crux of their assignment is to create an informative handout on some aspect of global warming. They can focus on global warming itself or air pollution or alternative energy. It has to be something proactive. They have been given a list of questions that must be answered in this handout. Things such as the basics: causes, effects, solutions. They also have to explore how it affects our community and what our community can do to help. While this will provide some interesting insight into what they are thinking, the poster is what excites me more. The poster is supposed to be only symbolic in nature. Not the usual listing of facts slapped on a poster board and read to the class. Instead it should be a simple picture, image, or some other creation that gets the message across without a bunch of words. They are also to include a catchy slogan.

I must stop at this point and credit Blend Apparel for this inspiration. This picture is in image of one of their posters. You can go to www.blendapparel.com and see more posters and t-shirts with similar ideas. Wonderful company with a beautiful message. As a matter of fact, when I told them I was ordering one of their posters for my classroom, they donated the whole set! When we are ready to start the posters, I will use these amazing Blend creations, along with some others, as examples for my students to come up with their own.

Ahhh, so dreams of happy children who love our Earth and are ready to be warriors for our planet danced through my head. Then as the best laid plans often do, they went astray. With some prodding from a concerned parent, I realized I owed it to my children to fully explore the other side of the global warming argument. It was in my plans to mention some of the scientific reasons why the Earth goes through climatic change but not to this extent. Now with the original project in mind, I had them go back to the computer lab and research what evidence they could find that does not support man-made global warming. We had already done research into the supporting evidence so now they had both sides of the "story." On Monday of this week, I had them write a journal entry describing what their feelings and thoughts were on the subject. Then for the past two days, we've been listing reasons to support both sides of the issue on the board. I started them off with a fact for each side and then handed it over to them. They were really into it! Hands raised all across the room eager to share! We discussed the facts they presented, what the source was for that information which allowed me to discuss bias in the media. I had kids who were genuinely upset that we ran out of time today for me to get to their information. I have four classes; three of the four are all or partly made of Academically Gifted students. The fourth is a regular class of students. The expectation would be for the AG students to excel in this but I've found that so far it has been equal across the board. Remember that after the initial instructions by me that we were to stick to the facts, remain objective, and to give a few examples, I turned the class over to them. I went in whatever direction they wanted to go with it. At the end of today, three of four classes are leaning towards man-made global warming based on what they wanted me to include on our lists. One class was really into the possible natural reasons it was happening so we went with it. We'll finish the discussion tomorrow and I'm determined to let it go where they take it as long as it stays in the parameters of being factual and objective. Teaching these kids to think for themselves may be the most important lesson I can give! Eye-opening for me for sure. You would be surprised at how few of middle school students can do this. They expect you to spoon-feed them the information and tell them how they are supposed to feel about it. However, I do remain dedicated to getting them to understand that we must be stewards of this planet and its wonderful gifts and resources. In the end, they may not agree with me and I may not have my happy band of new little "hippies" out there fighting to save our planet but I may have done something more important-given them respect, trust, freedom to think for themselves, and the beauty of the feeling you get when you come to your own educated decision.
I will keep you updated on our progress and maybe post some pictures of their creations when we finish.

Rambling with no real point...

I'm spending Saturday night in a truly great place. Hanging out with my kids, watching a movie all piled up in my bed. It's a miracle they put up with me considering all the usual "motherly" things I don't do...like running around playing, cleaning, going to countless after school activities, etc. I make up for this lack of motherliness by giving lots of love, countless hugs, and telling them how lucky I am to be their mother. I can only hope it'll be enough.
This damned disease is partly to blame for me winning no "mother of the year" awards. I get so tired by the end of the day that all I can do is lay down. Basically what happens is my "good" ear has had enough of keeping me upright and it pretty much quits on me shortly after 4:00 or so when I'm working. So I crawl in bed when I get home. Most nights I don't even go to the table to eat; sometimes because I'm too dizzy, sometimes because my ears just can't take any more noise. However, the kids always come to see me. Crawl in bed with me. Read stories together. I drive them to and from school so we talk about our days as we ride along. Yet I do feel guilty for not being more active. During the summers, when I'm off, I manage a bit more. We go swimming, go to the library, park, greenway, or whatever. I try to make up for my absence by doing a little more with them during the summer. It just really sucks sometimes. I need so much sleep to function. Thankfully they are getting to ages where they can get up in the morning and entertain themselves for a little bit while I'm getting myself together. They are very patient with me. I guess on some level at the tender ages of 4 and 6, they know Mommy is sick. One day I'll explain it all but I think they are too young yet for that story. Heck, most adults don't get it, how are they?
I got the tube in my good ear and it has definitely helped with pressure issues. It hasn't helped as much as I'd hoped with the daily dizziness and off-balance issues. So now I'm on another medication, a very low dose of an anti-depressant. Too low to treat depression but just enough to maybe help me from feeling like I'm staggering around everywhere. The doctor says he has had some good success in other patients. It'll take a month or so to see if it helps me. Another medication I'm using off-label. Well, really it's only 2 now but I wish it were none.
Tim is on a well-earned camping trip. He does most of the physical labor around here. All I manage is some laundry now and then. Okay...I'm gonna quit my rambling for now.
Also have a head full of thoughts on my latest Science lesson that I need to get out sometime soon. I'm just too tired for it tonight and I've got another movie to watch!

2009 Mission Accomplished!

So I did it! I sat and listened to the waves crash in at Holden Beach. I heard the perfect pitch of Jason Mraz in concert, not once, but twice! Thanks to the alignments of the spirits and fate for that amazing stroke of luck. Also got to shake it to some G. Love and he told ME- I had "sauce." So there! An added bonus to those shows was being introduced to the awesomely entertaining and talented Bushwalla. If you haven't checked him out, you definitely need to. Refreshing and funky fun is how I would describe him and his music. (That's me in the upper left picture in the yellow with Bushwalla. The other girl is my good friend, Angel.)





And finally, I made it to see and hear the sensory experience that is U2! I don't even know where to begin to show my gratitude that my hearing and balance allowed me to make it this far. It almost didn't. On the drive to the show, my good ear was acting up as well. Lots of pain, dizziness, and nausea. I did not feel well at all and just kept saying to myself, "don't worry, your adrenaline will kick in and you'll be fine." During the opening act for U2, vertigo (no pun intended, U2 fans) reared its head momentarily. I imagined myself being carried out of the stadium covered in puke, and crying out, "no, damn it! not now!!!!!" However, thanks to the wonders of medication, I was able to beat the vertigo into submission. At several points during the show, the tears flowed from sheer happiness and gratitude. No one saw them but they rolled freely during "MLK" and "With or Without You" because I got to hear them live and god, "MLK" is such a beautiful little lullaby. (By the way, go ahead and play that one at my Memorial, would ya?) I could hear the crowd of 50,000 singing along to all the songs. I've never heard so many people singing together at the same time. To most people, it sounds so trivial that this is such a big deal to me but if you ever meet someone with my condition, they will tell you how huge this is.

The next day I had a routine appointment with my Ear-Nose-Throat Doctor. I now have a tube in my good ear as well and hope that it will help me to equalize the pressure problems I've been having due to colds, weather, altitude changes, etc. As he explained it...'all your balance information is coming from that one ear. If anything alters that, you're going to be unsteady, dizzy, and in general miserable.' This tube will do nothing to halt the progression of the Meniere's in my bad ear, but hopefully we can remove anything that may aggravate the symptoms. My ENT doc is so passionate about what he does. He's got my back no matter what comes, he's ready to fight for me no matter what my employers or my health insurance company may throw at me. For that, I am thankful beyond words.
I claimed 2009 as my year and I achieved all the goals on my "bucket list" of things to do before my hearing goes kaput in my left ear. Here's to hoping for a cure.
I've also come away from all this feeling rejuvenated. We all have so much to give-our time, our money, our knowledge, our sympathy, our laughter. Pick one, any one of them, and share it. It will make your life all the better.
So mission accomplished! Now to look towards 2010...

Wishing everyone love, peace, and laughter!!!

holy rain batman!

it's been raining here for what seems like a lifetime. but it's the nice kind of rain where it's steady and perfectly conducive to napping. we should definitely make up for our deficit by the time this is over. the catawba river is full but no flooding. we're lucky here. i feel for the people in georgia who have really been going through hell with all the rain they got. as for me, it's saturday, i've got a stack of new books to read from the local library, the kids have new books too and some movies to watch...so i'm set. let it rain. tomorrow the sun's supposed to make an appearance and stay for awhile. i'm cautiously optimistic. i know this though, this weather is wreaking havoc with my ears. my eardums/barometers are not happy at all with all these pressure changes. my right eardrum is currently trying to retreat into my brain and yep, it hurts and i'm dizzy but things could be so much worse. this ear crap is annoying but it won't kill me. tomorrow i'm going to a funeral for a young man, 38, who died of cancer. he suffered for a long time and there were many times the doctors thought he would make it out okay. his family was by his side the entire time. i never know what to say at times like these. words are not enough. a mother lost her son, two sisters lost their brother. how can i make that better? this is my 3rd funeral in 3 months. all for people who died way too young and all were caused by or contributed to by medical problems.
it makes me realize that while what i have is no fun and i have days where i get really down about it, that i have so much for which to be grateful. this disease won't take my life. it won't take me away from my children or my family. for that i am blessed.
now...what book shall i start with? it's like christmas!!!

Why the periphery?

While I realize this blog will never be seen by anyone I know, I'm going to explain my reasoning behind the title, "nicki of the peripheral view." This is how I view my life. I live along the edges of my friends' and families' lives. They know I'm there, they appreciate me but I am often unheard and overlooked. Ironically, this label came from a high school teacher I had who wrote a poem for me and referred to me as "beautiful, ghostlike, fleeting from the peripheral view." I always liked that description of myself. This poem was only one of two that have ever been written for me. And as fate would have it, this high school teacher is now serving out the rest of his life in state prison for molesting little boys. So now that poem is tainted. The other was written by a cheating boyfriend I had so it doesn't exactly mean much either. Which brings me back to my point, I have close friends who I can depend on but while I am in their circle, I am fleeting along the edges. Not necessarily a terrible place to be as it allows me to move in and out as I see fit. Hanging out along the periphery has allowed me to become more observant. I am more aware of people's moods and feelings and can pick up on subtle nuances that other people would miss. This I consider a gift and as strange as it may seem, I am very grateful for it.

The Joys of Teaching Middle School

Copied from my Facebook "blog"
So the insanity that has prevailed over my students lately prompted this note. Here are some of the things they don't prepare you for when you're going into teaching. Feel free to add your own, fellow teaching peeps. I tagged all of you for various reasons. You teach, used to teach, have a teenager, are a teenager, etc. I think we should compile all of our stories somehow. At least, create a Facebook club where we can collect them all.

Here's my updated list...Enjoy!

1. I had a 6th grader who thought she was pregnant. The father? She didn't know. One of three men. Turned out, she wasn't pregnant.
2. I once had a student who after he wiped himself would throw the soiled toilet paper at other kids.
3. The kid in "#2" (haha pun intended) had a brother who I also taught who took a dump in the middle of the bathroom floor as well as in the urinal. When the father was brought in to discuss the issue, he said it was our fault because we didn't make school fun enough for his son.
4. I once had to call my principal over for a meeting with one of my kids. His offense? He wouldn't quit playing with his man boobs in class. He would stick pencils under them, slap them and watch them jiggle, and use them as "machine guns" and shoot things. Those are mental images I can't shake.
5. One day years ago, a 7th grade boy announced to me that he was constipated and would need to go back to the bathroom. He left and came back and announced to me that everything was now fine.
6. Last year, a girl threw up all over another student while sitting in my class. She didn't even try to avoid it. The girl who got thrown up on didn't seem to care. She was fully prepared to go through her day with puke on her. We had to make her change clothes.
7. I've seen countless buttcracks and thongs. For God's sakes, parents, don't let your 11-12 year old daughter wear thongs (especially when it's the day we're having Tornado Drill Practice).
8. I've also had to tell a male student to quit pleasuring himself while in my class.
9. I get the joy of teaching 7th graders about human reproduction. Years ago, I was asked by a student, "can you get pregnant by doing it in the butt?"
10. I now spend more time trying to keep girls from making out with each other than boys and girls. A few years ago, we had a girl who was a lesbian and she created a "hit" list. Her "hit" list was a list of girls who she was going to "turn" gay. She got action all the time.
11. The same kid in #4, aka Moobs, also had an older brother that I had taught. His brother had OCD and had a hand-washing ritual he had to go through before lunch. It always involved having to ask me if he could wash his hands. I would say yes and you don't have to ask me anymore just do it. Yet the next day, he would ask again. Day after day after day. Later on when we would be back in class, he would have his finger in his nose up to his knuckle just digging away!
12. Moobs wasn't allowed to read anything that had any profanity in it at all. At this point, let me remind you that he was a 7th grader at the time and profanity was everywhere. When he heard a curse word, his mom had trained him to cover his ears and say "bad word, bad word." So the day we confronted him about playing with himself, he replied (calmly and seriously with his head hung low) when we asked if he knew what we were upset about, "I was playing with my titties." There were about 5 adults sitting at the table when he said that and not one of us lost it...until later. I should also add for visual effect that when he sat down at the table with us, he propped his moobs on the table first! Plop, Plop! We're talking D-cup, baby!
13. At Open House my third year of teaching, the first student I met was under house arrest. He had one of those bands around his ankle. He had stolen a car and tried to outrun the police. That was a sign of things to come that year.
14. I once wasted precious minutes of my life arguing with a girl who insisted that the Earth was not a planet. She couldn't tell me what it was, but she just knew it wasn't a planet. Now let me explain a little about her family. She had two brothers with the same name. I don't mean two similar names and I don't mean stepbrothers or half-brothers. I mean "this is my brother Darryl, and this is my other brother, Darryl." (Anybody out there get that reference-you gotta be old like me to get it.)
15. Apparently the lastest trend for the middle school girl is to take her camera phone and shove it up as far as she can between her legs and take a picture. Then she sends it to her true love to prove her undying affections. (FYI-they always and let me emphasize always break up within days.) The pictures are so graphic, I could send them to a gynecologist and they could do a full pelvic.
16. A couple of weeks ago, one my girls got mad at one of my boys during lunch. Apparently, he kept calling her some offensive names. She warned him not to do it again. He didn't listen. He got an entire carton of milk poured over his head. He was soaked in chocolate milk. Priceless!
17. As of last week, we are now rationing toilet paper to the 7th grade boys. Why should such drastic measures be taken? Because some idiot decided to wipe his poop all over the bathroom. This after the usual toilet paper wads everywhere. Now my team teacher stands in the doorway of the boys bathroom with a roll of toilet paper in her hand saying "one square or two." All I keep thinking of is Seinfeld and "Can you spare a square?" To date, the poop artist has not been found.
18. One of the funniest moments and best lines ever (related to the toilet paper rationing.) The teacher next door poked her head in my classroom today and jokingly asked if anyone needed any. I showed her my unopened toilet paper roll sitting on my desk. She was amazed and says to the class, "Do you not ever poop? Do you not need toilet paper?" One of my students without missing a beat and in all seriousness says "No, we're just not wipers!" I about fell out of my chair laughing. Of course, he then while all red in the face, tried to explain that he meant our class doesn't wipe poop all over the walls. Apparently my students have better toileting manners than most. However...
19. What is up with 7th grade boys and the constant touching? I don't mean they are touching themselves or even other girls. They are constantly touching other boys. Once while showing a movie in our theater, we had to break up a group of boys who were spooning. They are not gay and I wouldn't care if they were. They play with each other's hair. They walk down the halls with their arms around each other. Once, while the boys were lined up to go in the bathroom, I warned them not to be in there touching each other or trying to peek at one another (a constant problem for my class.) One of my boys gets all riled up and felt the need to defend himself and says "Hey, I only touch boys sometimes!" What do you say to that?

If you're deaf in one ear, can you still hear in stereo? -Why 2009 is my year

Copied from my Facebook notes...

Many of you kindly indulged my lengthy note on the ins and outs of Meniere's Disease and for that...thanks!. What I wrote was the basic, medical mumbo jumbo that you can find doing a simple internet search. Now I feel the need to explain the personal part of this disease. Perhaps, my own catharsis. Again not for your pity but to increase everyone's understanding of my condition and maybe to help us all realize we never know what other people are going through. We need to be more understanding and accepting. This is something with which I am challenging myself to be better. This started for me when I was 25 years old. I was living the good life in Boone at the time. The journey from the first vertigo attack to diagnosis took almost a year. I was tested for various tumors, (including brain), lupus, and multiple sclerosis to name a few. I also saw a Ear-Nose-Throat doctor who told me that "I would grow out of it." Remember: I was 25 at the time. Grow out of it???? Needless to say, it was frustrating and nerve-wracking. I was having vertigo attacks 3-4 times a week that led to violent vomiting and wishing I could just die so it would be done with. The attacks would wake me up at night and last hours. You can't sleep through one of those suckers. I had no medication to fight it and no answers as to what was wrong with me. I had to drop out of school. I was trying to work as a waitress but was failing at that as well. It was at this time I began to realize people do not deal well with illness. Some relatives and co-workers accused me of faking it. Friends quit calling. When I finally got my diagnosis, I started getting a lot of this: "Oh I know somebody with that and they're fine. They work." Or "I get dizzy too and I'm okay." I would graciously smile and go on my way but inside my head I was screaming expletives at these people. Don't pretend you can relate to someone if you haven't been through it yourself. When it's an invisible disease, people tend to think it doesn't exist. I finally gave up explaining it to people which I now realize was a mistake.
Fast forward...I had surgery years ago on my ear and got some good results. Now I am under the care of a knowledgeable doctor at Baptist Hospital and I am in better shape. However, this stupid disease is still running its course. I have lost close to 50% of my hearing in my affected ear. It fluctuates and some days it's better than others but it's still bad. Hearing aids are in my future (if they'll work for me.) Speech distortion is a problem at the moment. The tinnitus is 24/7. I can't stand a silent room because the squealing is unbearable. I go back every summer for a hearing test to see how things are progressing. Last summer's test was the worst yet. I go back in a few weeks for the next one. Fingers crossed that it'll be better. Ironically, sudden loud noises can bother me too. The scariest attack I ever had was when my toddler son screamed in my ear. I was home alone with a 2-year old and a newborn. I crawled to the phone, got help, threw up and then laid there stuck on the floor unable to move. Since then, I keep my cell phone close and Valium in my pocket. Valium, if taken quickly enough, can stop a vertigo attack in its tracks.
So as for 2009, I figure my hearing in my left ear is about shot. I may end up with this in my good ear too. Some signs are there that it's happening now but nothing definite. Odds are in my favor that it won't happen in my other ear. I keep thinking of all the things I can't do...like scuba dive, fly, go on a cruise, pass a sobriety test, etc. My so-called "Bucket List" included seeing various artists in concert and going to the beach so I could hear the waves again. While it is not the financially responsible thing to do, I can't help myself. I want to go while I can still hear Bono go into one of his awesome monologues. I want to hear the perfect pitch of Jason Mraz. I want to shake my booty to G.Love while I can still hear the beat. And in a few short weeks, I'll be sitting on the beautiful beach listening to the waves crashing in. I may be drugged up on some valium to get through but if I'm lucky, it'll just enhance the experience!! :-) And maybe if I'm really lucky, I'll stabilize and be able to make 2010 my year too! and 2011, 2012, 2013...Party on people. Do it while you can!